We’ve been saying it for years.

Fire Andy Reid.

Hit The Bricks, Andy.

Do the right thing, Eagles.

- AP

Rejoice, fellow Philadelphians, I say rejoice!

Rejoice not because the Arena Football League is pretty much dead.

I implore you to rejoice because this means the Philadelphia Soul will be AFL Champions.

Forever.

Now I know you’re a little sad, but don’t be. Yeah, Saturday and Sundays in mid-July are going to be way different in the Proctor household. No more recapping the crushing blocks of Clifton Smith, those game winning drives by Tony Graziani, or those 50-yard touchdown receptions by Larry Brackins.

If it weren’t for the AFL, this picture may never have been taken. (That’s Soul owner Jon Bon Jovi with Colorado Crush..haha…owner John Elway)

Wait – who am I kidding? I love football and all and have been wishing for a legit summer league ever since the XFL was piledriven off of NBC. However, I honestly only tuned into the Arena league if reruns of “Law & Order” or an infomercial I’d already seen 15 times weren’t on.

Still, the Soul are (is?) Champions forever.

We should have a parade every year – if Nutter can afford it.

Suck on that, Grand Rapids Rampage fans.

- AP

If you’ve been listening to Philly sports radio (or practically any talk radio show in the Greater Philly area, including Pinky Kravitz in AC) – you may have heard some hilarious prank calls over the past 15 years invoking the name of an erstwhile former fullback for the then-Phoenix Cardinals.

These guys – deliciously anonymous yet obviously true Philly – have their own MySpace page full of prank calls. They also have some hilarious YouTube videos:

And they even pranked the Old Me (a/k/a Aaron Proctor Classic) once when I was out in Cali:

Their fandom reaches as far as Scotland these days and – while not as prolific as they were before the days of the Internet – the prank calls are still going strong.

Well worth the listen. Earl “The Pearl” would be pleased.

- AP

Yeah, the Eagles are doin’ pretty bad. We all know it and well hear it and it’s just part of being a Philadelphian.

After the Fightin’s won the World Series, I thought that we were going to see our other teams a bit energized and step it up. While it’s still far too early in the NBA and the NHL season to say whether or not the Sixers and the Flyers will be headed to the playoffs, it’s doubtful that the Eagles are going to be bringing the Lombardi Trophy to Philly this year.

Everyone’s saying it’s time for Andy (and Donovan McNabb) to hit the bricks. McNabb has been playing poorly but I’m sure he’ll just pull a Randall Cunningham and go to some other City and do well. It’s just what happens.

I’m certain, though, that it’s time to fire Andy Reid. We don’t let coaches go this long without winning. And yeah, he’s won…but we’re tired of “just getting to the playoffs”. We want another parade – this time a sea of Green. There’s already a few names being thrown around by Philly sports fans. Some people just want to simply tell Andy he’s through and promote Marty Mornhinweg to head coach. Another name that’s popular for people to toss around is Bill Cowher.

If I were owner Jeffrey Lurie, I’d find out about someone who I think would be a perfect fit for the Iggles:

Pete Mother F’n Carroll.

Otherwise known as “Big Balls Pete”, I think he’d not only fit perfectly into the area and a place starving for a Championship – but he wouldn’t be the guy calling the “hey, let’s air it out on 3rd and 1″ kinda plays.

Wikipedia sez:

I’m fine with the complete control. Fire at will if it’s gonna win us a Super Bowl. The Southern California Lifestyle? Hey – I’m a huge USC fan (99% because I love Pete Carroll’s coaching and would most likely be a closeted fan for whatever NFL team he were to become a head coach of..) – but, as GOB would say, COME ON!

We’re where history is from. We have mountains, the beach, actual seasons, better pizza, and Dawn Stensland. Traffic is WAY less of a nightmare here. A lot of stuff is still in English. New York City and Washington D.C. aren’t that far away (but they’re not as cool, either). Our sports fans are actually passionate – not people who are hipster fair-weather fans that only come to your college games because it’s a “cool thing to do”. Have you been to the LA Coliseum? I’d trade in low-low’s and airbrushed Virgin Mary t-shirts for tailgating in 20 degree weather any day.

Yeah, I guess it would take a lot for him to leave USC. A hell of a lot of cash (I don’t care what Wikipedia says). And he could buy an even more ridiculous house for a way cheaper price somewhere in South Jersey.

Doesn’t look like he’s had a few boxes of Tastykakes before the game, does he?

He actually tries to be a part of the team. It’s almost like he’s the 12th man on the field. Pete regularly participates in team practices – and by participates – I mean actually RUNNING sprints with the players and stuff. Andy Reid is too busy figuring out where to add a double cheeseburger on his lunch menu of a play book. I guess he doesn’t want to follow in the footsteps of Dick Vermeil and advertise health care.

Like Ted DiBiase said, everbody’s got a price.

Plus, win us a Lombardi Trophy, and they’d replace William Penn with a statue of him.

We Want Pete. And by we, I mean I.

Be seeing you,

- AP

* 16th & Arch (Mile 1) Starbucks
* 4th & South (Mile 4.5) Starbucks
* 10th & Chestnut (Mile 5.5) Starbucks
* Memorial Hall (Mile 9.5)
* Philadelphia Museum of Art (Mile 13.5 & Finish)
* Kelly Drive & Fountain Green Drive (Mile 15 & Mile 23)
* Main Street & Levering (Mile 20) Starbucks

The race is full (18,000 runners!), as is the half-marathon (same start time, same place, and the Rothman 8k (starting at 07:15, same place).

Come out and cheer on the runners who have worked so hard to prepare for this race! (Find the course here.)

(That’s baseball, for those not in the know.)

It appears that Cole Hamels was just named MVP. Good job!

What better way to get back in the swing of things than talking about Wednesday’s impending Game 1 of the World Series, starring our very own Phillies! Phillies vs. Tampa Bay Blue Rays: 8pm on Fox. Game 3 will bring them back to Philly by next weekend.

I’m not a serious baseball fan, but I’ve always loved to go to games. Way back, when I was a tiny little girl, my Dad would load up my mom, sisters, and me, haul us off to Reading, and try to teach us about the game. Minor league was a great, and inexpensive, way to show us the ropes. We were always sleepy before the end, and I remember drifting off to sleep, as we rolled around the back of the station wagon, still listening to the end of the game on the radio. Ah, the memories!

Go Phils!

In DC for the night- slingin’ some business, living the dream in our Nation’s Capital. Victor was able to hook me up with a ticket for tonight’s game- the Nats and the Mets at the brand spankin’ new Nationals Park. The rub was that I hate both teams. The conudrum then was simple. Who do I cheer for? What’s a Phils’ fan supposed to do so deep in Enemy Terriority?

Cheer for a no contest?
Try and stop the game in the eighth?
Give up and stay at the hotel, totally satisfied because the DaVinci Code is on?

The seats were good, player’s seats. But sittin’ behind home plate was like watching a baseball game sitting on the floor of a T.G.I. Friday’s. It was complete chaos, ushers running from one side to the other side, a big security guard encouraging me to move up because the row I was in- the one I was supposed to be in- was his running aisle, and a dude and his wife and their pet you monkey who was of course, a huge Ryan Zimmerman fan.

There is no denying that Nationals Park is a heck of a ballpark. No way dude, it’s pretty cool. The parking is a little frustrating, but walking through the concourse, it feels exactly like the Bizzare-o version of RFK Stadium, where the Nats had been cellar-dwellling for the past few years. It actually feels a little like Disney World and the people walking by, seemed more like tourists than fans. I had been surprised when the Mets were in Philly a few weeks ago, at how many Mets fans were at the games. Well there were even more at the game tonight- my favorite was the dude in the vintage ‘86 Strawberry Mets’ jersey. But there were also a lot of Red Sox fans and some Yankees’ fans and the nasal-voiced dingbat behind me grew up as an A’s fan.

Plenty of Nats’ fans, though. They were mostly all wearing Zimmerman shirts. A pudgy little dude in high-water jeans outside looked pretty stoked in his Lastings Milledge shirt and I couldn’t help but notice a good amount of ladies of all shapes and sizes sporting Nick Johnson shirts.

But then, what was a Phils’ fan supposed to at Nationals Park? There were no Phillies’ shirts to be seen and because Victor had hooked me up with the tickets and because they were players’ tickets, I couldn’t bring myself to wear my Phils’ hat. I thought about when I was looking around for an ATM to pay for parking. But after 20 minutes of looking for an ATM, the only one outside is at the Center Fileld gate – Poor Ryno was parked a few blocks behind homeplate – I said no, couldn’t wear the hat. I would not be that guy. I was already going to be the guy sitting by himself, I would not be the guy sitting by himself in the Phillies’ hat.

I didn’t have the energy.

So Ryno the Phillies fan left after the fifth inning, the Mets leading 3-2. An inning later Cruz of the Nats would hit a Grand Slam. Them’s the breaks for a Phillies fan, no free rides in America. Especially not on weekdays.

Pulling into the HoJo parking lot, I swung the 350 a little too wide- taking out a couple of the stones in the parking lot. These trucks don’t have the best turning radius, I told the security guard who came out to inspect, to see what this crazy bastard from Utah was up too. Apparently the damage was enough to involve paperwork, this frustrated me. It frustrated me more than when I got to the game, and all the lines for food were way too long. It frustrated more than when GPS told me to make all these quick turns and I was like, dude, the turning radius’ on these trucks are not the best! And it frustrated me more than I am right now, watching the DaVinci Code in a dirty HoJo outside of DC.

The dream lives on, the Flyers lost, and I’m glad Citizens Bank Park doesn’t feel like air conditioning. Now get me out of this District before I do any more damage to shotty hotel parking lots!

No, it has nothing to do with the Primary.

It has to do with the Fightin’ Phils and JRoooll headed to the Disabled List after already missing the past several games with a bum ankle. It is hard to say what is more heart-breaking- JRoooll being out longer or Eric Bruntlett sticking around longer? Tough call.

The Mets look to polish off a tasty three game sweep of the only occasionally Fightin’ Phils tonight at 8pm. The Not-So-Fightin’ Phils have looked worse over these past two games than even Team GFY did in the second game of their doubleheader today. Sloppy play and an incredible absence of any thing that even resembled hitting. GFY’s first game, their first win of the season, was a tense, up and down battle of emotions, wits, brains, and shows of brute force. Big White Inc. made a strong case for game MVP, displaying Pedro Feliz-like fielding abilities at third and some vintage Ryan Howard big bobbin’ bombs at the plate…

…and speaking of Ryan Howard, formerly of the Big Ry Money Grab and now currently of I left my wallet and bat in El Segundo, he is going to potentially demolish the record he set last year for most strikeouts by the All Star break, a break he probably won’t have because of the Subway commercials and the weekly long-bomb into the left field bleachers. My question is this Senator Clinton and Senator Obama- when is it okay to boo Howard in public? Because I’m just not sure. I was at the game on Friday, where Howard again displayed his unmatched ability to strike out in every possible way, and after one such strike out, I started booing. And while I was joined by a few other boo birds, there was a general feeling that I was doing something wrong. Like I was in Bush America and I said something wrong about freedom. But maybe I was talking about Freedom- the awesome Rage Against the Machine? Never-mind.

I feel very strongly that the time has come to boo Howard. And not vehemently, not automatically. I don’t think he deserves that. I just feel the time has come for us to really boo the man after he strikes out or makes a lazy, boneheaded play at first. I appreciate fully everything that Big Ry has done for the team. Thank you. But dude, that was totally like a few years ago and professional sports in this Bush America are a complete what-have-you-done-for-me-lately enterprise. And all Howard has done is make me stand up for no good reason, get my hopes up for no good reason, and make me watch Subway commercials for no good reason.

So let’s do it to it.

Giddy up!

“And there is still no word on Jimmy Rollins and his injury,” the announcer said.

I nearly drove off the road, but instead didn’t…no I drove safely. And after parking The Blazer, I texted Big while walking up to Honey’s for French Toast….JRoll is injured!!! Check the web, need info now!!!…and the French Toast was like always, delicious.

And JRoooll, well he’s fine. It was just a pesky sprained ankle, and luckily, served as nothing more than a footnote in the Phillies’ come from behind win over the Mets today, the last home opener for Shea Stadium. After the game, there was no limping or hobbling or lolli-gagging.

So it seems like things are okay.

The Fightin’ Phils split the series with the Reds, and at times, showed some signs of life – some signs of a winning baseball club, signs similar to the signs Team GFY showed in their heart-breaking loss to Blacked Out Sunday, on a rumpled and crumpled, damp spring day out by what I think was Conshohocken – outside the city is the greatest mystery I have ever faced, I never know where I am. But this week, there was at least some offense and GFY scraped up 3 runs, which meant that when Blacked Out reached 13 in again, the 5th inning, the game was over.

“Some day that team will actually finish a game,” a small boy said later, at the bar nearby, where other weekend warriors gathered for cheap domestics and 25 cent wings.

Some day.

But on Wednesday, the Phillies play the Mets again and we might actually see some sun here in sunny Philadelphia. Those heavy clouds looming over the city have long over-stayed their welcome and come on now…baseball! softball! protests of the Olympics…

 All the signs are there, baby!

Bring on summer!

- Kudos to everyone who participated in the Philly Clean Up last week. Double kudos to those who did so while wearing an orange safety vest…safety first!