Tonight friends, I saw where the enemy sleeps.

In DC for the night- slingin’ some business, living the dream in our Nation’s Capital. Victor was able to hook me up with a ticket for tonight’s game- the Nats and the Mets at the brand spankin’ new Nationals Park. The rub was that I hate both teams. The conudrum then was simple. Who do I cheer for? What’s a Phils’ fan supposed to do so deep in Enemy Terriority?

Cheer for a no contest?
Try and stop the game in the eighth?
Give up and stay at the hotel, totally satisfied because the DaVinci Code is on?

The seats were good, player’s seats. But sittin’ behind home plate was like watching a baseball game sitting on the floor of a T.G.I. Friday’s. It was complete chaos, ushers running from one side to the other side, a big security guard encouraging me to move up because the row I was in- the one I was supposed to be in- was his running aisle, and a dude and his wife and their pet you monkey who was of course, a huge Ryan Zimmerman fan.

There is no denying that Nationals Park is a heck of a ballpark. No way dude, it’s pretty cool. The parking is a little frustrating, but walking through the concourse, it feels exactly like the Bizzare-o version of RFK Stadium, where the Nats had been cellar-dwellling for the past few years. It actually feels a little like Disney World and the people walking by, seemed more like tourists than fans. I had been surprised when the Mets were in Philly a few weeks ago, at how many Mets fans were at the games. Well there were even more at the game tonight- my favorite was the dude in the vintage ‘86 Strawberry Mets’ jersey. But there were also a lot of Red Sox fans and some Yankees’ fans and the nasal-voiced dingbat behind me grew up as an A’s fan.

Plenty of Nats’ fans, though. They were mostly all wearing Zimmerman shirts. A pudgy little dude in high-water jeans outside looked pretty stoked in his Lastings Milledge shirt and I couldn’t help but notice a good amount of ladies of all shapes and sizes sporting Nick Johnson shirts.

But then, what was a Phils’ fan supposed to at Nationals Park? There were no Phillies’ shirts to be seen and because Victor had hooked me up with the tickets and because they were players’ tickets, I couldn’t bring myself to wear my Phils’ hat. I thought about when I was looking around for an ATM to pay for parking. But after 20 minutes of looking for an ATM, the only one outside is at the Center Fileld gate - Poor Ryno was parked a few blocks behind homeplate - I said no, couldn’t wear the hat. I would not be that guy. I was already going to be the guy sitting by himself, I would not be the guy sitting by himself in the Phillies’ hat.

I didn’t have the energy.

So Ryno the Phillies fan left after the fifth inning, the Mets leading 3-2. An inning later Cruz of the Nats would hit a Grand Slam. Them’s the breaks for a Phillies fan, no free rides in America. Especially not on weekdays.

Pulling into the HoJo parking lot, I swung the 350 a little too wide- taking out a couple of the stones in the parking lot. These trucks don’t have the best turning radius, I told the security guard who came out to inspect, to see what this crazy bastard from Utah was up too. Apparently the damage was enough to involve paperwork, this frustrated me. It frustrated me more than when I got to the game, and all the lines for food were way too long. It frustrated more than when GPS told me to make all these quick turns and I was like, dude, the turning radius’ on these trucks are not the best! And it frustrated me more than I am right now, watching the DaVinci Code in a dirty HoJo outside of DC.

The dream lives on, the Flyers lost, and I’m glad Citizens Bank Park doesn’t feel like air conditioning. Now get me out of this District before I do any more damage to shotty hotel parking lots!

Those big storm clouds starting to creep over Philly are bringing some bad news with the potential rains and whip-cracks of lightning that are expected.

No, it has nothing to do with the Primary.

It has to do with the Fightin’ Phils and JRoooll headed to the Disabled List after already missing the past several games with a bum ankle. It is hard to say what is more heart-breaking- JRoooll being out longer or Eric Bruntlett sticking around longer? Tough call.

The Mets look to polish off a tasty three game sweep of the only occasionally Fightin’ Phils tonight at 8pm. The Not-So-Fightin’ Phils have looked worse over these past two games than even Team GFY did in the second game of their doubleheader today. Sloppy play and an incredible absence of any thing that even resembled hitting. GFY’s first game, their first win of the season, was a tense, up and down battle of emotions, wits, brains, and shows of brute force. Big White Inc. made a strong case for game MVP, displaying Pedro Feliz-like fielding abilities at third and some vintage Ryan Howard big bobbin’ bombs at the plate…

…and speaking of Ryan Howard, formerly of the Big Ry Money Grab and now currently of I left my wallet and bat in El Segundo, he is going to potentially demolish the record he set last year for most strikeouts by the All Star break, a break he probably won’t have because of the Subway commercials and the weekly long-bomb into the left field bleachers. My question is this Senator Clinton and Senator Obama- when is it okay to boo Howard in public? Because I’m just not sure. I was at the game on Friday, where Howard again displayed his unmatched ability to strike out in every possible way, and after one such strike out, I started booing. And while I was joined by a few other boo birds, there was a general feeling that I was doing something wrong. Like I was in Bush America and I said something wrong about freedom. But maybe I was talking about Freedom- the awesome Rage Against the Machine? Never-mind.

I feel very strongly that the time has come to boo Howard. And not vehemently, not automatically. I don’t think he deserves that. I just feel the time has come for us to really boo the man after he strikes out or makes a lazy, boneheaded play at first. I appreciate fully everything that Big Ry has done for the team. Thank you. But dude, that was totally like a few years ago and professional sports in this Bush America are a complete what-have-you-done-for-me-lately enterprise. And all Howard has done is make me stand up for no good reason, get my hopes up for no good reason, and make me watch Subway commercials for no good reason.

So let’s do it to it.

Giddy up!

…and I was just coming back from Home Depot when the Phillies game came back from a commercial break.

“And there is still no word on Jimmy Rollins and his injury,” the announcer said.

I nearly drove off the road, but instead didn’t…no I drove safely. And after parking The Blazer, I texted Big while walking up to Honey’s for French Toast….JRoll is injured!!! Check the web, need info now!!!…and the French Toast was like always, delicious.

And JRoooll, well he’s fine. It was just a pesky sprained ankle, and luckily, served as nothing more than a footnote in the Phillies’ come from behind win over the Mets today, the last home opener for Shea Stadium. After the game, there was no limping or hobbling or lolli-gagging.

So it seems like things are okay.

The Fightin’ Phils split the series with the Reds, and at times, showed some signs of life - some signs of a winning baseball club, signs similar to the signs Team GFY showed in their heart-breaking loss to Blacked Out Sunday, on a rumpled and crumpled, damp spring day out by what I think was Conshohocken - outside the city is the greatest mystery I have ever faced, I never know where I am. But this week, there was at least some offense and GFY scraped up 3 runs, which meant that when Blacked Out reached 13 in again, the 5th inning, the game was over.

“Some day that team will actually finish a game,” a small boy said later, at the bar nearby, where other weekend warriors gathered for cheap domestics and 25 cent wings.

Some day.

But on Wednesday, the Phillies play the Mets again and we might actually see some sun here in sunny Philadelphia. Those heavy clouds looming over the city have long over-stayed their welcome and come on now…baseball! softball! protests of the Olympics…

 All the signs are there, baby!

Bring on summer!

- Kudos to everyone who participated in the Philly Clean Up last week. Double kudos to those who did so while wearing an orange safety vest…safety first!

And boom baby…like thunder clouds rolling across the plains…the 2008 baseball season is upon us. If only it was sunny…but no, nothing is perfect. Today at 3pm, a little less than an hour from this WORD the Phillies kick off their 2008 season, a hardened defense of the NL East crown. Brett Myers takes the mound against Those Bastards from the South, who last night beat the Braves in their brand spankin’ new ballpark. Only DRob is happy.

And he is very happy.

Let’s just hope that the Fightin’ Phils don’t start of the season like they did last year, or worse…like how Team GFY started their season yesterday under a crisp spring sun out in the burbs.

Who was thatteam? Some Ale House from out near White Marsh and they completely whipped the floor with Team GFY, a bunch of young, eager beavers looking to make their mark in whatever league it was that they happened to be playing in. No Scream’ Jay, he was out of town. And Eddy’s Ice Cream was not around either. The team looked mildly optimistic despite the setbacks…but then the G D game started and it really kind of went down hill from there. The monsters on the Ale House team sent beleaguered softball after softball out deep into the outfield and their ladies - all properly equipped with visors and hats - made GFY’s male players look like they had picked a fight with a polar bear instead of a lifeless manatee.

No good!

Rocket E did her best to quel the offensive firepower and if there were any glimmers of hope for GFY, the team’s defense did as well as a team that loses 19-0 can do. Jables at short stop and El Grande Blanco at the hot corner challenged Jose and Ozzie Canseco as the best brother duo to command a diamond and out in left, DRob - not yet happy about the Nats’ win - displayed mostly text book form…mostly. A few hot dogging plays and it seemed to get the best of him, but hey, this team is working out the kinks, baby! Kinks! By next week, only a few kinks and the week after that…maybe only one or two!

But you know as far as offense goes, as potent as the Fightin’ Phils offense is, GFY’s was as sterile as a newborn. But yes, there was the one time when Katie made it to third, a cause for great celebration - and other notable efforts were made by Nailz, Knife Fight…and Gerard. But hey, at least G has the hip hop thing to fall back on.

A little after 2, the game came to an end when the Slaughter rule was tossed. No worries. I think the hour was almost up anyway and all of the crazy Gladiators had better places to be…like neighboring bars with neighboring deals on wings and pitchers of beer.

Now a rainy, dreary Monday but who cares because it’s Opening Day! Only a half hour to make it home.

Run, baby, run…

Here’s to the Phils’ in ‘08!

I’ve been all work, all the time lately, and the weeks are just flying by. It’s sad, really. I need to slow down. But no time for that! I’m leaving Philly for Milan and London, for very important businessy business, in oh, about 9 days, and here are some April things I hope to do and will also miss while I’m away:

1. Philadelphia Film Festival: April 3-15. There are complimentary guides around town. I’m sure you can pick them up at any Ritz theater, the Prince Music Theater, The Bridge: Cinema DeLux, International House, and the Bryn Mawr Film Institute - all venues for the films. TLA stores are selling advance tickets already.

2. April 5 - Philly Spring Cleanup. Join me!

3. April 12 - Roller Derby Double Header at the Sportsplex in NE Philly. $10 advance purchase, $12 at the door. Never seen them; have always wanted to be one - a tough bitch on wheels. I’ll have to watch. They would kill me, I suppose.

4. April 15 - Deadline for filing 2007 income tax returns. Yay.

5. April 15 - reward your possibly last-minute scramble to file the taxes with a Phillies home game. It’s Hatfield Phillies Franks Dollar Dog Night! Get yourself some cheap weiners and expensive booze.

6. April 18-20th - Philadelphia Tattoo Arts Convention, Sheraton Philadelphia City Center Hotel. $15 per day, $35 for the weekend. Get marked!

7. April 22 - Pennsylvania 2008 General Election Primaries. 7am-8pm. Here’s a handy guide to finding your polling place. Rock it!

Here’s wishing you a sweet April!

I don’t know who is right about Iraq - McCain or Obama or Clinton or Rush (the band, not Limbaugh.)
I don’t know what will happen with Randy Moss.
I don’t know how the Sixers keep winning.
I don’t know how Milton Street doesn’t have a radio show.

I do know that it’s incredibly nice outside, The Mighty Cole Hamels is mighty pissed off, the Eagles are still looking for a game-breaking wide reciever, and the Spurs will probably win the NBA title.

This weekend I watched the Phillies Spring Training game on Saturday and then listened to parts of Sunday’s game on the radio. As a result, here are a few things I know about this year’s Phillies:

1.) The Phillies offense might possibly score 3,782 runs this year. The difference is Pedro Feliz, the new-look outfield, and their bench. Even Carlos Ruiz is looking good this year, which is fantastic because that means that we will see even less of Rod Barajas this year. And yes Philadelphia, less Barajas is always a good thing. Always. Even if you’re related to Rod, it’s a good thing.

2.) The Mighty Cole needs to learn to back up his complaining. It’s one thing to complain about money - we all do it, I’ve done it twice this morning. But if you’re going to complain about how much you’re getting paid in a performance-based profession, then dude, you need to back it. And giving up rocket balls to the Yankees is not the way to do it. Cole needs to get his act together and keep his mouth shut. Last year, it was money and the Phillies lack of a chiropractor. This year, the team picked up a chiropractor, but he’s still complaining about money. Keep it up, Cole. Pretty soon we’ll be complaining about your complaining and God forbid, your lack of production if somehow the National League keys in on your curveball and slider. Unless it’s the Nats, those guys couldn’t figure out where there car was if it were parked in front of them.

3.) I love Charlie Manuel and if you don’t right now, you will soon. Trust me. I’ve from Maine, we know country bumpkins and we know that a good ol’ boy who knows the ins and outs of baseball is a valued commodity. Come on, Philly…at least he’s not Andy Reid. Ouch.

4.) Adam Eaton is still terrible. Absolutely terrible. I’m going to go big right now. I’m the pitcher for Team G.F.Y. and I will put Nailz’ cat Izzy on the table that I’ll have a better E.R.A. than Eaton, and if I wanted, a better goatee. Granted G.F.Y. is slow-pitch softball, but I stand by words. Any takers? Anyone? Come on! It’s Adam Eaton!

It’s 27 days until Opening Day, the sun is shining, and it’s almost March Madness. Sure things could be better, but things could be worse. Enjoy the day. 

Those blustery winds ripping through Philly today are doing more to the city today than just making it’s residents freezing cold and longing for summer. The winds are bringing some fun and exciting changes to the landscape of Philly sports.

And that, is called a cheesy leed to a story.

1.) Philly awarded Major League Soccer franchise! Finally, after months and months of wild rumors, MLS has officially announced that Philly will be home to the league’s 20th team, opening their season in 2010. The team will play in a new stadium down in Chester, right on the Delaware. The stadium is part of an effort to revitalize the city, just a good chuck down 95 south. For more information, check out the Sons of Ben, a group of supporters of the team, at www.sonsofben.com.

2.) Phillies open Spring Training! The Fightin’ Phils beat the Reds last nite, behind Father Time Jamie Moyer and the Dobbserman, Greg Dobbs. New addition Geoff Jenkins also went 1 for 3. Come on, this is really some kick ass news! Baseball! Baseball means summer! Baseball means hot, sweaty ballparks and over-priced beers! I would think this would be pretty killer to hear about on a frigid day like this.

3.) Eagles cut Kearse. The Eagles cut the Freak and absolutely no one is suprised. Free Agency starts tomorrow and absolutely everyone hopes the team grabs a wide reciever…and maybe some defense…and maybe a kick returner…and maybe another wide reciever…and maybe…

Stay warm.

Remember last week?
I do.
It was warm. I had short sleeves on. I wrote a blog, encouraging everyone to go outside.
So now, less than a week later, I write another blog. This blog tells people to stay inside. If you’re reading this right now, nestled up next to the fire like the smart lil’ bear cub you are, then you might be the smartest person in the world. Smarter if you could figure out this nasty BlackBerry thing.
It’s gray outside. Cold gray, depressing gray. The kind of gray that encourages sweatpants and bottomless cups of cocoo. Mmmm…cocoo…Cocooooooooooo.
But hey, want to hear something that may or may not warm you up - and if it doesn’t, I’m sorry. Go to Honey’s and eat some French Toast. Tell ‘em French Toast sent you. That will warm you up perfectly.
For others though, here’s something to warm you up.
Phillies’ pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training on Thursday. We are currently about a month and a half away from Opening Day and the Fightin’ Phils odyssey to defend the NL East championship. A month away from Ryan Howard either being really happy rich or really annoyed rich, Chase Utley saving another dog, and the debuts of Brad Lidge, Pedro Feliz, Geoff Jenkins, So Taguchi, and maybe someone else like Kyle Lohse or Kris Benson. The World’s Oldest Man Jamie Moyer is back and so is Cole Hamels, who along with Brett Myers, will be the anchors of a rotation to be filled out by baby-faced Kyle Kendrick and Adam Eaton, who hopefully will look the highly paid pitcher he is or if anything, be rid of that goatee.
Please.
That goatee grosses me out.
And of course JRoooooooll is back and making wild predictions like the Phils will win 100 games and Pat the Bat Burrell has the majority of the city wondering if he’ll step it up this year, the last year in his contract. I think he will. As long he doesn’t grow a goatee.
Eaton!
I for one, can’t wait for Opening Day. Just thinking about last year’s run makes me giggle like a tipsy toddler and I can only imagine that that excitement will carry over, at least for the first few series. The first month of the season features some wildly exciting series against Johan Santana and the Mets, the Rockies, the Padres, and the Cubbies. Last year, the Phils came out limp, weak and uninspired. By all accounts, they got lucky last year and caught one of those waves in the baseball season that takes you almost to the end. There’s nothing to say that it can’t happen again, but if anything, it’d make April more fun, “more perfect” if they were winning some of those games.
Here’s to ya, Phils. I hope you the best.
For the everyone else, stay warm, and if you’re reading this while you’re driving, maybe put your hazards on. Safety first!

Side Note: Tu Phace of Subliminal Orphans is spinning and getting into some craziness tonight at Silk City on Spring Garden. Cold weather be damned, this is good fun and it’s important.

This morning my stomach hurts. It seriously hurts. It feels empty, cavernous, and even mildly disorientated.

Last night’s Super Bowl was one of the longest and toughest three to four hours in my life. And then when it ended, I couldn’t get out to walk Dugan fast enough.

But then this morning, while driving home, I thought about something.

As much as it’s hard being a Pats fan right now, at least I’m not an Eagles fan.

Eagles fans, you have to admit, that last night was not a good sign for the future of the Eagles. The Giants, those blue bastards up 95, won the Super Bowl and what’s tough is that they already look like they’ll be in the thick of it next year. Couple that with the fact that both the Cowboys (a good young team) and the Redskins (a fiesty somewhat young team) made the playoffs as well, and you’re looking at the lowly Eagles dumpster-divin’ in the NFC East for at least another two years.

So, this morning, sitting here as a Pats fan, I’m comforted by knowing that it could be worse.

I could be an Eagles fan.

How many days until Opening Day?

241 wings.

241. That’s two hundred and forty one. Wings.

That is how many wings that Joey Chesnut ate early this morning to win the 16th WIP Wing Bowl. This is the second straight year that Chesnut won. El Wingador, making a return to competition, finished third with 205 wings.

Chesnut is no slouch on the high-octane competitve eating circuit. Last year, he dethrowned the dangerous Kobayashi to win the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

I wonder though, does this help young Chesnut with the ladies? I mean, usually, winning any kind of title, or being successful at anything, somehow makes your more attractive to certain ladies. Are there certain ladies for Chesnut, drawn to him by his remarkable eating abilities? Are they from the suburbs, Delaware, Jersey? Are the same ladies who cheer for Antonio Alfonseca?

Somethng to think about on a rainy Friday.