Rejoice, fellow Philadelphians, I say rejoice!

Rejoice not because the Arena Football League is pretty much dead.

I implore you to rejoice because this means the Philadelphia Soul will be AFL Champions.

Forever.

Now I know you’re a little sad, but don’t be. Yeah, Saturday and Sundays in mid-July are going to be way different in the Proctor household. No more recapping the crushing blocks of Clifton Smith, those game winning drives by Tony Graziani, or those 50-yard touchdown receptions by Larry Brackins.

If it weren’t for the AFL, this picture may never have been taken. (That’s Soul owner Jon Bon Jovi with Colorado Crush..haha…owner John Elway)

Wait – who am I kidding? I love football and all and have been wishing for a legit summer league ever since the XFL was piledriven off of NBC. However, I honestly only tuned into the Arena league if reruns of “Law & Order” or an infomercial I’d already seen 15 times weren’t on.

Still, the Soul are (is?) Champions forever.

We should have a parade every year – if Nutter can afford it.

Suck on that, Grand Rapids Rampage fans.

- AP

Since Barack Obama is coming to town tomorrow and screwing up everyone’s morning commute…. (Well, I guess Sarah Palin is gonna be there too….maybe she’ll make me some moose chili?) I’ll share this chestnut with you all:

I saw a story the other day on Channel 10 or Channel 6 or some other news program that isn’t anchored by Hot Dawn. The story was about how much of a “hard time” comedians are having making jokes about President-Elect Obama.

I’ve watched late night television a lot less since the election because it’s a little irritating that it’s been pretty much a month since the election and there are still jokes being made about Sarah Palin and how old McCain is. I think it was Fox News who said the ratio was 7:1, Republican to Democrat, when it came to jokes on late night shows and SNL. I know about sore losers…but it seems like there’s a lot of sore winners out there, too.

Anyhow, the way this “news” story made it seem (and the way late night TV makes it seem, at least, to me) – political comedians and late night hosts are going to be “out of jobs” because Obama is just so popular and likeable (yes, the 59,417,826 – including myself – who didn’t vote for the guy just don’t seem to count!). “We’re so lucky there’s Joe Biden!” snarked Jay Leno in one of his monologues. There will be absolutely no way to make fun of the guy, right?

Are comedians completely out of material? Maybe they’re being cautious? After all – a lot of people have been in some deep water for criticizing Obama – like a radio show almost getting shut down. It’s also so hard to make fun of the guy because it’s easy to be mistaken as a racist by the spastic pointy-finger of the Left.

I decided it was time for some half-assed investigative journalism. I put out an ad for local comedians to reply to and chime in with their thoughts. I received some excellent responses that I’d like to share with all of you.

Tony DiGerolamo – Blue Anchor, New Jersey native and writer for Comedy Central’s Indecision `08 blog (as well as superfrat.com) – doesn’t think comedians are at their wit’s end. “I think they’re waiting for a good moment to pounce. Plus it’s hard to let go of George Bush. Just so much material there.”

But isn’t it gonna be pretty damn hard to make fun of a guy who has enamored so many people? I mean, we all know that everyone who voted for Obama is super intelligent and well-informed, right?

“Obama will be even easier”, continues DiGerolamo. “Bush was lame when he was elected, so he didn’t have far to fall. Obama, on the other hand, is already disappointing thousands of people and he’s not even in office yet! Plus he brought the Clintons back. Call backs in comedy are even funnier than the original joke.”

You don’t tug on Obama’s cape….

Mala Wright, a sketch comedienne from Trenton, New Jersey, offers a different perspective. “I do think it would be harder for anyone to make a joke about him without sounding racist. I actually worked on a comedy sitcom pilot (called “Sistergirl”) over the winter with an all African American cast and we did a sketch about Obama if and when he becomes president. But, it was kinda hard to do it… So, I do think it would be harder to find material about him. I do think that some African American comics would be able to get away with it to a certain extent. It all depends on how you do it. I still think people – no matter who they are – may be offended either way.”

So is it just race preventing more jokes in the mainstream about Obama? “I think it is harder to make jokes about someone popular”, Wright continues. “Obama is well liked by everyone it seems and I do think a lot of people would be offended by jokes about him. I think it all boils down to how you use him in your joke. It was so easy to make jokes about W…but with Obama it is like he stands for change and he is an inspiration to everyone regardless of color. I don’t know if it will get easier over time.”

Aaron David Ward, who is from New York but plies his trade often in the Illadel, sends the response I seek into even another tangent. “”The notion professional stand up comedians will avoid making jokes about President Barack Obama out of fear of being labeled “racist” is based on the faulty premise that his race has something to do with
finding him or his proposed policies funny.” (AP note: And I think a LOT of people need to understand that!)

We all tend to like comedians who say more of the things that we’re looking to hear. That’s why there are people who love Eddie Izzard and who love Larry The Cable Guy and who don’t really cross paths. However, isn’t it the job (or more sensible in terms of business and advertising revenue?) of someone on a national platform – that is getting viewers from Columns A, B, and J – to be a fairer with their punchlines?

Ward gives his own personal comedic mantra. “As a stand up comedian, speaking truth to power is my primary goal regardless of whether those who represent power are black, white, or any other color. In a country founded on the principle of individual liberty, I’m amazed so many people have elected a president who wants to ’spread the wealth
around’. I’m equally amazed by how many people put their faith in government instead of themselves. The only leader people really need resides in their own hearts, minds, and souls or so someone told me.”

So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I’m hoping to die laughing at jokes about Barack just as much as I did at jokes about Dubya, Clinton, Bush I, and Reagan. As of right now, late night talk shows aren’t a part of my TV watching schedule. And if comedians don’t want to stop the egregious amount of sucking up to the guy – they’re going to lose more viewers very quickly.

Be seeing you,

- AP
Mala Wright is an actress and performance artist. Check out her personal website here and her IMDB profile here.

Tony DiGerolamo writes for Comedy Central’s Indecision `08 blog and can be found on the web here.

Aaron David Ward is automatically awesome because his first name is Aaron. Check out his website here.

Larry Robin – owner, Robin’s Books and, for the last god-damned time NOTSanta Claus, kids

Robin’s Books, the last vanguard of independent bookstores, is closing its doors on January 31st, says the Philadelphia Inquirer:

The death notice appears in the front window of Robin’s Bookstore in Center City, sandwiched between Chopin – A Life and Our Dumb World.

Sales dipping as much as 15 percent in recent months, his salary not even $30,000, Robin said his beloved business had gone “from bad bearable to bad unbearable.”

Sadly, this is the way things are gonna go for a lot of local businesses. That’s why I’ve always tried to support local shopkeeps when I can – although it can be tough when they can’t afford to not mark-up their prices like bigger chain stores can. You just don’t get that same feeling at the malls or in a shopping center as you do when you walk into a small shop and are greeted and treated like the most important person in the room.

I hate going to the mall or a shopping center and getting the fake, trying-to-hard niceties like they’re churning out over at the Barnes & Noble at the Concord Mall in Delaware. Like the dude who kept calling me Chase Utley every 5 seconds. Fine. I get it. I’m wearing a Chase Utley jersey. No, I’m not getting ready for batting practice, just trying to find a marked-down copy of “Godless“. Ha ha, yeah, that’s funny, I’m not wearing my World Series ring. Find my damn MGMT CD so I can get out of here, please! UGH! I’ll just go to a less-annoying store.

And don’t even get me started on the always-disinterested/working-hard-enough-not-to-get-fired/probably-went-to-Chichester-with-me employee types. Ya know, the kinds that act like you’re completely ruining your day when you need them to look up something in the computer.

Local spots, mom `n pops..they’re rockin’. Especially because, 9 times out of 10, the person giving you attention is also the store’s head accountant and CEO. So, you have a higher percentage of having an enjoyable shopping/browsing/looky-loo experience and a lower percentage of douchebaggery.

So go out and support a local business! Especially when the end result could be the demise of a long-time staple of Philadelphia and its subsequent new found identity:

Cafe. Stage. Readings. Intellectual content.

*shivers in disgust* Take that sh*t to Manayunk.

Philly – go out and get some cheap books while you can!

Robin’s Bookstore

108 S 13th St
Philadelphia, PA 19107
(215) 567-2615

http://www.robinsbookstore.com/

- AP

I bought out all their wonderful scones (to freeze) and had their carrot cake for lunch. Wednesday, I had my last tea there, complete with tea sandwiches.  I will miss the cafe…

It was not untIl the 4th of July that everyone adopted the Declaration of Independence. Philadelphia had a celebration with a parade on July 8.

John Adams writing a letter home on July third 1776 predicted, “The second of July will be the most memorable Epocha in the history of America. I am apt to believe it will be celebrated by succeeding generations, as the great anniversary Festival”

Regardless of the original dates, Philadelphia, for quite some time now, has been celebrating the ideas, the spirit, and history of our Declaration, in its week long ‘Welcome America Celebration’, in early July, sponsered by Sunoco.

Philadelphia is the place to be on the 4th of July. See you on the Parkway. Don’t myth it.

Originally it was started when Southern women, during the civil war, went and put flowers and flags on the graves of the fallen soldiers. The idea caught on.

No matter the politics, these men and women answered a call to serve and believed that by doing so they were helping to improve the world. It does not get more idealistic nor courageous. We should all have the courage of our convictions with such fervor.

I ask you to take a moment between the hot dogs and beer, betwen the picnics, between the gift of a relaxing paid holiday and take a moment. Take a moment to say a prayer to whatever god you pray that we find better ways for the best and brighest to serve and thank those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Dirge for Two Veterens

By Walt Whitman

THE last sunbeam
Lightly falls from the finish’d Sabbath,
On the pavement here, and there beyond it is looking,
Down a new-made double grave.

Lo, the moon ascending,
Up from the east the silvery round moon,
Beautiful over the house-tops, ghastly, phantom moon,
Immense and silent moon.

I see a sad procession,
And I hear the sound of coming full-key’d bugles,
All the channels of the city streets they’re flooding,
As with voices and with tears.

I hear the great drums pounding,
And the small drums steady whirring,
And every blow of the great convulsive drums,
Strikes me through and through.

For the son is brought with the father,
(In the foremost ranks of the fierce assault they fell,
Two veterans son and father dropt together,
And the double grave awaits them.)

Now nearer blow the bugles,
And the drums strike more convulsive,
And the daylight o’er the pavement quite has faded,
And the strong dead-march enwraps me.

In the eastern sky up-buoying,
The sorrowful vast phantom moves illumin’d,
(’Tis some mother’s large transparent face,
In heaven brighter growing.)

O strong dead-march you please me!
O moon immense with your silvery face you soothe me!
O my soldiers twain! O my veterans passing to burial!
What I have I also give you.

The moon gives you light,
And the bugles and the drums give you music,
And my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans,
My heart gives you love.

These were accumulated over the years by city workers who were taking pictures of violations, improvements, street work, new construction, before and after shots, and some smart person made sure they were not tossed into the trash every ten years or so. This collection dates back to the 1860’s.

So there are some very cool pictures from when photography first became available and even some engravings and drawings from other sources. You can search on the site many different ways. I got some hits on a ‘movie’ search but many more when I searched ‘Theatre’. You can search by street, year, keyword.

Best part is you can purchase a copy of your favorite image for as little as $10., and it can all be done online. My only regret is I will be spending too much time on the site and possibly buying too many photos.

Another postcard from my great-grandmother’s postcard album. This one is dated January 1905 and is of the Houston Club at the University of Pennsylvania, now known as Houston Hall.

I took a drive out to New Town Square today to visit my 86 year old great-aunt. While I was there, she sent me to look around the storage area in her basement to see if there was anything I wanted. I came out with two very dusty old bags of snapshots and photo albums. I don’t think anyone has looked at these in over 25 years. The newest picture I found, at the very bottom of an ancient (although very sturdy) Acme bag was a poloroid of my mom and me when I was about three months old (I’ll be 28 in about a month).

The postcard above came from my great-grandmother’s postcard album. It was sent to her home in West Philadelphia from the Broad Street Station on May 27th, 1905.