With Nutter’s proposed “cost cutting decisions” like closing down 11 Philly libraries and consolidating city fire departments making headlines ever since I returned to the Cradle of Liberty, I’m at least glad to hear that there’s a stay of execution on the libraries – for now.

Still, it would be nice to hear that same will be said about our local fire departments. So, I’ve come up with two ideas to show Nutter that downsizing these engines would be a bad idea:

1. Burn down a library. How deliciously ironic. Especially if the library is a) one of the 11 that may be closed and b) near a fire department that’s getting axed.

Cons: Illegal, I’d never do it, nor do I condone anyone else doing it.

2. Go to the fire department, ask for “War & Peace”. Keep doing every single day.

Cons: Pissing off Philly firefighters might not be a good idea, who realistically wants to read “War & Peace” except to brag about it?

Maybe the City would have a little bit more in their coffers if some idiots at City Hall weren’t being paid $90,000 a year:

Yeah.

- AP

As I’m sure you’re aware, KB Toys is going out of business.

Kind of hits a soft spot with yours truly, who used to constantly go to the store at The Gallery when I was a kid.

Went in there yesterday. What’s left of the store is 50% off.

There is, however, a whole shelf of Indiana Jones and Star Wars toys.

Check it out and get a piece of history, while you can.

Another piece of my childhood – like Woolworth and Roy Rogers – down the drain. ;-(

- AP

Officials from the Mummers left the Mummers Museum last night after agreeing to sign a contract with the city to stage this year’s parade. New Year’s parade time cut in accordance with $300K budget. (Photo: Rikard Larma/Metro)

Our annual Mummers Parade is a go this year. Which is great – because how idiotic would we look if we axed the Mummers Parade? Ever hear of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade getting shut down..or the boring ass Rose Parade?

It’s going to be a shortened parade this year, though.

Which makes me wonder: I thought the city itself made in excess of $20 million from the World Series.

Where did the $20 million go?

Budget crisis my ass. Maybe if Mayor Michael “The Honeymoon Is Over” Nutter wasn’t lazy, he’d actually go through the budget and find all the money the City is wasting on stupid stuff. Or he could take the “bail me out, please” route and just go beg Obama for the money. Yes he can.

TIP: It’s good to ask someone from the Illinois political machine a favor on their daughter’s wedding day

We should have nice things in the greatest City in the world. Like Mummers parades, libraries, and fire departments.

- AP

P.S. You can help the Mummers out by visting Savethemummers.com.

I really like the SEPTA One Day Convenience Pass, or as us public transit folks call it, a “day pass”.

You pay $6 and get to use it on the bus, subways, trolleys, and the El up to 8 times in one day. So, if you’re takin’ the bus, then the train, then the El, then the bus again to your destination and the bus, the El, the train, and the bus (third base!), it’s pretty damn useful. Really awesome if you wanna see the historical sights of the greatest City in the land and save some gas money/parking stress.

Just watch out for inept SEPTA ticket window people or the “One Day Convenience Pass” will become the “Half Hour Pain In The Ass”.

To save time the other day, I bought the day pass at the Marcus Hook R2 station instead of up in Center City. The chick there sold me a pass that said “2007″ on it instead of “2008-09″. This is very important because the bus drivers and El ticket window peeps punch a whole into the date of the ride.

I asked her if using it was ok – I didn’t want other bus drivers to think I was trying to scam them with using a 2007 pass. She said she was all out of 2008 passes and that it was totally ok to use. I didn’t buy it.

As soon as I got to the 30th Street El Station, I told the dude at the El ticket window. Obviously, he thought I was scamming him – so he called down to the Marcus Hook station where the lady confirmed she sold me a 2007 day pass.

Then, I had to walk back over to 30th Street Station and fill out a form and tell them my situation all over again. They almost told me I had to re-buy a new one and mail the old pass back in for a refund but finally just traded my 2007 pass in for a 2008 pass. Plus, I found out from the very nice lady at 30th Street – that this isn’t the first time the chick in Marcus Hook has done this and they’ve been bugging her to mail in her 2007 passes for new ones.

All of that took about a half hour out of my commute and I was almost late to my destination. Then I had French toast and bacon. So I was ok.

Just be careful out there on SEPTA. 99% of the drivers and conductors and staff I’ve dealt with ovre the years are awesome – but once in a while, there’s an idiot out there selling old passes that will screw up your commute.

- AP

Rejoice, fellow Philadelphians, I say rejoice!

Rejoice not because the Arena Football League is pretty much dead.

I implore you to rejoice because this means the Philadelphia Soul will be AFL Champions.

Forever.

Now I know you’re a little sad, but don’t be. Yeah, Saturday and Sundays in mid-July are going to be way different in the Proctor household. No more recapping the crushing blocks of Clifton Smith, those game winning drives by Tony Graziani, or those 50-yard touchdown receptions by Larry Brackins.

If it weren’t for the AFL, this picture may never have been taken. (That’s Soul owner Jon Bon Jovi with Colorado Crush..haha…owner John Elway)

Wait – who am I kidding? I love football and all and have been wishing for a legit summer league ever since the XFL was piledriven off of NBC. However, I honestly only tuned into the Arena league if reruns of “Law & Order” or an infomercial I’d already seen 15 times weren’t on.

Still, the Soul are (is?) Champions forever.

We should have a parade every year – if Nutter can afford it.

Suck on that, Grand Rapids Rampage fans.

- AP

Luckily, everyone isn’t on board:

Click HERE to help out.

(Thanks to Is This Life? for the link….)

Oh, SEPTA. How I missed thee. Sure, people here may complain but – come on – could it get any better than riding a bus or a train or a subway and actually see OTHER people riding it, too?

Was on my personal favorite line today – the Market-Frankford Line. Boy that thing is fast. And reliable. And really, really convenient. Looks like they’re running every 6 minutes instead of every 10 or so like they used to during the weekday off-peak-or-am-I-just-playing-hooky-from-work hours.

What I love best though, is the Magic Voice. You know – that computerized chick that tells you “Next Stop. Fifth Street. Liberty Bell and Independence Hall.” or “Next Stop. Second Street. Wheelchair Accessible.”

Sometimes I add stuff to what she’s saying in my head like “Next Stop. Spring Garden. For Bus 25 and A Way Safer Way To Get To Aramingo & Allegheny.” Or “Next Stop. Millbourne. Where The Fuck Is Millbourne?”

Anyhow, yeah, give it up for the El.

Could you awesome Philadelphians do me and my fellow Delaware Countarians a favor?

Go to this part of the SEPTA website and fill out the form. Let them know that they should expand not only the hours of the R2 – particularly on the weekends – but the damn 119 bus line as well.

Ever seen the R5? It has ridiculously convenient, expanded hours and it’s because people take it to go party at night. How come I either have to stay in the City until 5 in the morning OR cut out of events super early just so I can get the R2 to Delaware County in time to take the 119 home from Chester, whose last bus leaves at like 9:30 p.m.?

Not cool. People in my area like to go to the city, too. And SEPTA has done an excellent job expanding the hours of the 113. Too bad the closest 113 stop to my house is about a 60 to 90 minute walk from my house. That wouldn’t be so bad when it’s not negative 9 degrees outside.

Just like with the R5 running late, people will tell their friends: “Hey, friend! Don’t drive into the City..the R2 runs till 2 in the morning and you can take the 119 home after that!”

If people who live in the northern part of the County – like in Upper Darby – have the luxury of taking an overnight El shuttle to 69th street and late runing buses – why can’t us closer-to-actual-Delaware Delaware County peeps have that luxury?

It sure would be a damn good idea.

I’m just sayin’.

- AP

If you’ve been listening to Philly sports radio (or practically any talk radio show in the Greater Philly area, including Pinky Kravitz in AC) – you may have heard some hilarious prank calls over the past 15 years invoking the name of an erstwhile former fullback for the then-Phoenix Cardinals.

These guys – deliciously anonymous yet obviously true Philly – have their own MySpace page full of prank calls. They also have some hilarious YouTube videos:

And they even pranked the Old Me (a/k/a Aaron Proctor Classic) once when I was out in Cali:

Their fandom reaches as far as Scotland these days and – while not as prolific as they were before the days of the Internet – the prank calls are still going strong.

Well worth the listen. Earl “The Pearl” would be pleased.

- AP

Don’t mention the war…I think I did it once..but I got away with it..”

Yeah, “The Germans” is my favorite episode of “Fawlty Towers“. Which reminds me – My awesome new friend and I checked out the 1st ever Christmas Village at City Hall on Tuesday. Now I’m REALLY angry that my new computer isn’t here yet – because I took some rockin’ photos of some hilarious stuff I found.

I’ll tell ya about it, any way.

It’s the first annual Christmas Village in Philadelphia and it’s running 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily through Christmas Eve at Dilworth Plaza. Admission is free.

There are lots of cool little stations dressed up like snowy houses all throughout the plaza. A couple of crepe and waffle stands, a place that sells doggy treats, and all sorts of little places to get Christmas decorations inspired by all different cultures throughout the world. Plus, Santa Claus is there (He is! We saw him coming out of the Port-O-Let!) – you can even get him to take a picture with your pet on Mondays. They also have a place for K-9 Christmas treats – including tins shaped like fire hydrants full of organic doggie goodies.

The place is kind of hilarious, though, because it’s being run by a company called “German American Marketing”. They own something called “Kathe Wohlfahrt“, according to a little catalog I picked up – which has one of the bigger “houses” there. I just think it’s hilarious because there’s some odd ornaments they’re selling there – like parrot ornaments, Santa Claus carrying a shotgun and a dead rabbit, Santa Claus with a baby alien, and, yes, a small ornament of Satan (which we tried to find a Nativity scene to insert into but no such luck at the time).

Also, things always sound harsher in German, no matter how nice of statements they are. The catalog implores you to “EINFACH ONLINE EINKAUFEN!” (Yes, shop at home online!)

Tons of cool stuff there (a place with candles including a scented candle called “Fresh Laundry”!) and I recomend everyone taking a stroll around the place – preferably with a hot chick from Northeast Philly, but that’s your call. Considering I just heard the country had the worst November in sales since 1969 – maybe get out there and drop $4 on a glass menagerie of somehow-related-to-Christmas roosters and get that economy bustling again.

After all of that Christmas joy and spirit, we headed over to The Mutter Museum. `Cause nothing says Christmas like a 40 pound colon tumor.

- AP

Larry Robin – owner, Robin’s Books and, for the last god-damned time NOTSanta Claus, kids

Robin’s Books, the last vanguard of independent bookstores, is closing its doors on January 31st, says the Philadelphia Inquirer:

The death notice appears in the front window of Robin’s Bookstore in Center City, sandwiched between Chopin – A Life and Our Dumb World.

Sales dipping as much as 15 percent in recent months, his salary not even $30,000, Robin said his beloved business had gone “from bad bearable to bad unbearable.”

Sadly, this is the way things are gonna go for a lot of local businesses. That’s why I’ve always tried to support local shopkeeps when I can – although it can be tough when they can’t afford to not mark-up their prices like bigger chain stores can. You just don’t get that same feeling at the malls or in a shopping center as you do when you walk into a small shop and are greeted and treated like the most important person in the room.

I hate going to the mall or a shopping center and getting the fake, trying-to-hard niceties like they’re churning out over at the Barnes & Noble at the Concord Mall in Delaware. Like the dude who kept calling me Chase Utley every 5 seconds. Fine. I get it. I’m wearing a Chase Utley jersey. No, I’m not getting ready for batting practice, just trying to find a marked-down copy of “Godless“. Ha ha, yeah, that’s funny, I’m not wearing my World Series ring. Find my damn MGMT CD so I can get out of here, please! UGH! I’ll just go to a less-annoying store.

And don’t even get me started on the always-disinterested/working-hard-enough-not-to-get-fired/probably-went-to-Chichester-with-me employee types. Ya know, the kinds that act like you’re completely ruining your day when you need them to look up something in the computer.

Local spots, mom `n pops..they’re rockin’. Especially because, 9 times out of 10, the person giving you attention is also the store’s head accountant and CEO. So, you have a higher percentage of having an enjoyable shopping/browsing/looky-loo experience and a lower percentage of douchebaggery.

So go out and support a local business! Especially when the end result could be the demise of a long-time staple of Philadelphia and its subsequent new found identity:

Cafe. Stage. Readings. Intellectual content.

*shivers in disgust* Take that sh*t to Manayunk.

Philly – go out and get some cheap books while you can!

Robin’s Bookstore

108 S 13th St
Philadelphia, PA 19107
(215) 567-2615

http://www.robinsbookstore.com/

- AP