The high next week in the Philly area is supposed to be around 20 degrees.

We’ll see how well I’ve climatized since I will have been back 3 months by then.

Five bucks says I’ll be dressed for -20 degree weather.

- AP

With Nutter’s proposed “cost cutting decisions” like closing down 11 Philly libraries and consolidating city fire departments making headlines ever since I returned to the Cradle of Liberty, I’m at least glad to hear that there’s a stay of execution on the libraries – for now.

Still, it would be nice to hear that same will be said about our local fire departments. So, I’ve come up with two ideas to show Nutter that downsizing these engines would be a bad idea:

1. Burn down a library. How deliciously ironic. Especially if the library is a) one of the 11 that may be closed and b) near a fire department that’s getting axed.

Cons: Illegal, I’d never do it, nor do I condone anyone else doing it.

2. Go to the fire department, ask for “War & Peace”. Keep doing every single day.

Cons: Pissing off Philly firefighters might not be a good idea, who realistically wants to read “War & Peace” except to brag about it?

Maybe the City would have a little bit more in their coffers if some idiots at City Hall weren’t being paid $90,000 a year:

Yeah.

- AP

Officials from the Mummers left the Mummers Museum last night after agreeing to sign a contract with the city to stage this year’s parade. New Year’s parade time cut in accordance with $300K budget. (Photo: Rikard Larma/Metro)

Our annual Mummers Parade is a go this year. Which is great – because how idiotic would we look if we axed the Mummers Parade? Ever hear of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade getting shut down..or the boring ass Rose Parade?

It’s going to be a shortened parade this year, though.

Which makes me wonder: I thought the city itself made in excess of $20 million from the World Series.

Where did the $20 million go?

Budget crisis my ass. Maybe if Mayor Michael “The Honeymoon Is Over” Nutter wasn’t lazy, he’d actually go through the budget and find all the money the City is wasting on stupid stuff. Or he could take the “bail me out, please” route and just go beg Obama for the money. Yes he can.

TIP: It’s good to ask someone from the Illinois political machine a favor on their daughter’s wedding day

We should have nice things in the greatest City in the world. Like Mummers parades, libraries, and fire departments.

- AP

P.S. You can help the Mummers out by visting Savethemummers.com.

Rejoice, fellow Philadelphians, I say rejoice!

Rejoice not because the Arena Football League is pretty much dead.

I implore you to rejoice because this means the Philadelphia Soul will be AFL Champions.

Forever.

Now I know you’re a little sad, but don’t be. Yeah, Saturday and Sundays in mid-July are going to be way different in the Proctor household. No more recapping the crushing blocks of Clifton Smith, those game winning drives by Tony Graziani, or those 50-yard touchdown receptions by Larry Brackins.

If it weren’t for the AFL, this picture may never have been taken. (That’s Soul owner Jon Bon Jovi with Colorado Crush..haha…owner John Elway)

Wait – who am I kidding? I love football and all and have been wishing for a legit summer league ever since the XFL was piledriven off of NBC. However, I honestly only tuned into the Arena league if reruns of “Law & Order” or an infomercial I’d already seen 15 times weren’t on.

Still, the Soul are (is?) Champions forever.

We should have a parade every year – if Nutter can afford it.

Suck on that, Grand Rapids Rampage fans.

- AP

What’s Geeks Who Give?

Geeks Who Give seeks to mobilize this community to reach beyond its self contained boundaries, to route that amazingly powerful and positive energy to people and causes that really need it. [...] Long term goals include idea, goods & services, and resource banks from which we can draw as well as coordinating volunteer opportunities on an individual basis and organizing large scale volunteer efforts for continued organization-based support.

Alex Hillman has a great write-up on his site, but there’s also the official GWG Events page, the Facebook event page. You can also follow GWG on twitter to get up-to-the-minute info.

Don’t mention the war…I think I did it once..but I got away with it..”

Yeah, “The Germans” is my favorite episode of “Fawlty Towers“. Which reminds me – My awesome new friend and I checked out the 1st ever Christmas Village at City Hall on Tuesday. Now I’m REALLY angry that my new computer isn’t here yet – because I took some rockin’ photos of some hilarious stuff I found.

I’ll tell ya about it, any way.

It’s the first annual Christmas Village in Philadelphia and it’s running 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily through Christmas Eve at Dilworth Plaza. Admission is free.

There are lots of cool little stations dressed up like snowy houses all throughout the plaza. A couple of crepe and waffle stands, a place that sells doggy treats, and all sorts of little places to get Christmas decorations inspired by all different cultures throughout the world. Plus, Santa Claus is there (He is! We saw him coming out of the Port-O-Let!) – you can even get him to take a picture with your pet on Mondays. They also have a place for K-9 Christmas treats – including tins shaped like fire hydrants full of organic doggie goodies.

The place is kind of hilarious, though, because it’s being run by a company called “German American Marketing”. They own something called “Kathe Wohlfahrt“, according to a little catalog I picked up – which has one of the bigger “houses” there. I just think it’s hilarious because there’s some odd ornaments they’re selling there – like parrot ornaments, Santa Claus carrying a shotgun and a dead rabbit, Santa Claus with a baby alien, and, yes, a small ornament of Satan (which we tried to find a Nativity scene to insert into but no such luck at the time).

Also, things always sound harsher in German, no matter how nice of statements they are. The catalog implores you to “EINFACH ONLINE EINKAUFEN!” (Yes, shop at home online!)

Tons of cool stuff there (a place with candles including a scented candle called “Fresh Laundry”!) and I recomend everyone taking a stroll around the place – preferably with a hot chick from Northeast Philly, but that’s your call. Considering I just heard the country had the worst November in sales since 1969 – maybe get out there and drop $4 on a glass menagerie of somehow-related-to-Christmas roosters and get that economy bustling again.

After all of that Christmas joy and spirit, we headed over to The Mutter Museum. `Cause nothing says Christmas like a 40 pound colon tumor.

- AP

Plus, I went to middle school with her! No joke!

VIEW NBC 10 VIDEO HERE.

So, some assclown is going around my area breaking into cars and, apparently, has been for a while now. And now some kids are going to have a sh**y Christmas.

If you’re interested in helping, Summer has provided her e-mail address on the comments of the aforementioned article: summerarbogast@yahoo.com

- AP

Foxwoods wants to build a casino at The Gallery. Some people are opposed to it because of the je ne sais quoi that a casino might bring to the area – like traffic.

Other people are opposed to the casino because of the “shady elements” and “crime” and “prostitution” that a casino “would bring” to the area. That reason always make me chuckle because – if I recall from my eleventeen years – isn’t Chinatown the place where kids go to get fake ID’s and nunchucks and chewing gum that gets you high?

Still others are are opposed to the casino, for, well, batsh*t crazy reasons.

From my peeps at Fox 29…

Yeah, I wish I was making that up. According to this chick, the Foxwoods business model looks a little something like this:

1. Destroy Asian community under the guise of Pai Gow poker and loose slots

2. ???

3. Profit.

I understand the trials and tribulations of wanting to build ANYTHING anywhere in a city that’s cramped for space. I understand it’s not as easy a deal as Harrah’s had – all they had to do was build in Chester, where only like 5 people live and it was quite easy to simply build a casino directly across from a federal “pound me in the ass” prison. I understand that words like gentrification get thrown around in major cities like everyone is trying to emulate that one dude’s speech in “Chasing Amy“.

I’s in yer nayborhood, steelin yer moneyz

But..seriously? Really? The reason they want to build in Chinatown is to specifically target the community there and destroy it?!

Yeah – it’s not because the casino would be in a prime location or anything. It’s not like putting a casino right in the heart of Philadelphia would be a great idea. It’s also not like Foxwoods is also thinking of the Delaware Riverfront as an alternate location. I guess Foxwoods has a plan to gentrify really lame night clubbers, too.

They totally want to take advantage of people who will “like the casino a little too much”.

*rolls eyes*

Just build the damn thing so the city can take the revenue and reopen the rec centers and libraries that Mayor Nutcase is shutting down.

Be seeing you,

- AP

I’d first like to tip my hat to Frazgo over at Los Angeles Metblogs for getting the hook up for me here at Philadelphia Metblogs.

My name’s Aaron Proctor. Otherwise/formerly known as “The Noticeable One“, “The Proc“, or “The Most Electrifying Man In Pasadena” and generally known as a damned handsome man. I like long walks on the beach, “Arrested Development“, corporate slang, vodka tonics and house cats that sound like they’re meowing with a “Brrrrrrrowww” instead of Meow. You know what I’m sayin’?

I moved back to the Philly burbs – Delaware County, right in the Chichester area – after living in Los Angeles for the past eight years. You can read about my exploits, triumphs and tribulations in Los Angeles by going here. It’s wiki-accurate.

I grew up in various parts of the Philly area. Was born in Chester. Moved to Mt. Airy to attend the first part of grade school. Moved back to Chester for a short period of time up until around 5th grade and then I finished out my middle and high school experience in the Marcus Hook/Lower Chichester/Upper Chichester area.

I headed to Los Angeles (well, Pasadena, it’s pretty much the same thing but…shhhhh…don’t tell them that or some Caltech kid will throw a thorny Rose at you) eight years ago with an eyeliner-smeared face and a liberal heart and ended up moving back with a v-neck sweater & collared shirt with a conservative head. And since I’m a Republican AND a cigarette smoker, it’s nice to be in an area where I’m not quite a fifth-class citizen. (You know, I really wish there was a “cut and paste” option for real life so that I can always add ‘but I don’t hate gays and don’t mind abortion..I’m a libertarian with a lower case l’).

I ran for Mayor Pasadena back in 2007 and got 11.2% of the vote. In a leather jacket. While wearing eyeliner. How California is that!? Soon enough, I didn’t forget my roots and took a bit of Philly with me. After deciding that being 25, balding, and a Goth socialist wasn’t cutting it, I did a complete 180 and started a somewhat-hilarious, mostly-acerbic, profanity-laced Conservative blog. It was a hit (well, it got a lot of hits – and e-mail from angry Councilmembers) in Pasadena as it equally angered and offended the same amount of people as it made spit out their morning lattes in laughter. I got a writing gig at a local paper (The Pasadena Weekly) – who pretty much gave me ink for shock value (controversial character = cash?) but then, for some reason, only gave me fluff stories to write. I did get to meet my hero, Huell Howser, however.

One thing lead to another, I pushed the envelope too far (people in Los Angeles don’t have a sense of humor and will be quick to call a lawyer or the police even if you make an unharmful WWE-style video challenging a newspaper publisher to a wrestling match) – and I came back to the Philly area after being fired and finding out my parents needed some assistance with their living situation.

Getting adjusted back to life in Delco has been really fun, really enjoyable. You know, to me, the Philadelphia area is truly the greatest metropolitan area in the whole wide world. One doesn’t appreciate the luxuries – both in terms of Tastykakes and peoples’ attitudes – until one lives in plastic-fake-boob-perfect-teeth Los Angeles for nearly a decade. I feel like a lot of people don’t appreciate it here. “Oh, the weather sucks”, “Oh, our sports teams suck”, “Oh, this place sucks, “You’ll get sick of it here”, “Why in the world would you leave CALIFORNIA?” – it’s something I’ve heard a multitude of times. Let me tell you something from my own perspective – the LA area ain’t that great of a place to live these days unless you’ve got a lot of money and are super progressive. Philly has its own charm, an incomparable state of mind and being and something unmatched by any other metropolitan area (and I’ve been to 26 of these great United States AND Washington DC) anywhere else. Other cities should be quite envious of how unique, fun, and awesome Philly has remained in a country full of carbon-copy “up and on the move” cities.

The differences between Delaware County and Philly itself are even more striking. I’m not even an hour from Center City and it can feel like I’m world’s away when I take the R2 into the City. It’s a nice compare and contrast of suburban and urban lifestyles – blue collars vs white collars – and all that Lebanon baloney.

Man, did I sure miss Wawa. And Turkey Hill ice cream and iced tea. And cheaper cigarettes – WAIT A MINUTE – why are cigs more expensive here, even in Delaware County, than in California? Guess I gotta go down to Bidenware and stock up. Oh..what else did I miss? Pathmark. SEPTA. Die hard sports fans. The whole “Philly attitude”.

Especially the latter. People here are sometimes rude, crude, in your face, and – especially in Delaware County – often just look haggard or harsh. I love it! It’s more honest, it’s more real, and by gawd, I’d rather have that than whatever is going on over in Hollyweird. And…the Phillies won the World Series. That was just the icing on the cake, considering I moved out here during the middle of the NLCS and was getting peanuts thrown at me every time I went to a bar. Yeah, peanuts. Los Angeles fans aren’t that tough.

Being gone for a while has also led me to make some prolific and poignant observations. I’ve decided to put together some of the things I’ve either said to myself or shouted out loud into a Top Ten List, a/la David Letterman (one of my heroes). Submitted, for your approval….:

TOP TEN THINGS I’VE BEEN OVERHEARD SAYING SINCE MY MOVE BACK TO PHILLY

10. “Damn, Dawn Stensland is pretty hot.”

9. “Hearing it pronounced ‘wooder‘ sounds more annoying than it did eight years ago.”

8. “Sweet Yuengling. Nectar of the gods.”

7. “The bus fare is how much?!”

6. “Oh, Dawn, you just made that triple homicide sound so f’n HOT!”

5. “LOL. Eight-Twelve. That never gets old.”

4. “Yeah, that’s a California ID. No, it’s not fake.”

3. “Where’s that UN—CLAIMED—-FREIGHT! guy?”

2. “I’d like to form an exploratory committee into Dawn Stensland’s pants.”

1. “I live in Delaware County, not Delaware.”

Over the next few weeks and months, I’d like to share my Phil-adjustments with the rest of you. Since I don’t own a car and work in retail now (yep – the mighty have fallen!), I have yet to discover or re-discover some of the awesomeness I left behind 8 years ago and want to share those adventures with you, the reader, for the low, low price of $19.99 plus shipping and handling. Operators are standing by.

Be seeing you.

- AP