I don’t know.

 The draft doesn’t start until 8pm.

Go 76ers!

Team GFY, a promising (allegedly true) young (not true) expansion team, in the Philadelphia Sports Club softball league, beginners level, had their season come to a devastating (not entirely true) end this Sunday in the tangled web of the Philly suburbs. GFY lost to….uh, the other team, 13-10 (this might be true,) failing to advance in the playoffs for a sixth straight year (not true.)

Down a player for the first half of the game due to GFY utility fielder, Knife Fight, being involved in an actualknife fight (this might be true,) GFY was stuck playing catch up to The Other Team for the majority of the game. Knalez Novackiwitz was the unlikely hero and threw them on her back. (not literally)

“You really have to, like, do what you gotta do,” Knalez (never) said. “I mean, it is the playoffs.”

Batting twice in the order, Knalez was an astonishing 13 for 15 (not true), at one point reaching base safely nine straight times (not true, it might have been four.) Donkey Punch, a new addition to GFY, added pop in the lineup and an uncanny ability to try without trying and then kind of pretending to try- all at the same time, with his fielding. Jables Cash had a decent day and El Grande Blanco International showed why he has drawn comparisons to both Cecil Fielder (no) and the guy from Coldplay (this is sort of true.)

But ultimately, not even another solid performance from the Rocket could save the team (this is also sort of true.) The Other Team now advances while GFY goes home and cleans out their lockers (not true.)

“It was totally a promising first season,” DRob Zimmerman, player/coach/singer/manager/organizer, (never) said. “I feel we can only go up from here.” (this is possibly true)

Only time will tell if that is true. But for now it’s back to the drawing board (i.e. Craigslist- really good softball players wanted- section.)

So GFY, GFY. Better luck next year.

In DC for the night- slingin’ some business, living the dream in our Nation’s Capital. Victor was able to hook me up with a ticket for tonight’s game- the Nats and the Mets at the brand spankin’ new Nationals Park. The rub was that I hate both teams. The conudrum then was simple. Who do I cheer for? What’s a Phils’ fan supposed to do so deep in Enemy Terriority?

Cheer for a no contest?
Try and stop the game in the eighth?
Give up and stay at the hotel, totally satisfied because the DaVinci Code is on?

The seats were good, player’s seats. But sittin’ behind home plate was like watching a baseball game sitting on the floor of a T.G.I. Friday’s. It was complete chaos, ushers running from one side to the other side, a big security guard encouraging me to move up because the row I was in- the one I was supposed to be in- was his running aisle, and a dude and his wife and their pet you monkey who was of course, a huge Ryan Zimmerman fan.

There is no denying that Nationals Park is a heck of a ballpark. No way dude, it’s pretty cool. The parking is a little frustrating, but walking through the concourse, it feels exactly like the Bizzare-o version of RFK Stadium, where the Nats had been cellar-dwellling for the past few years. It actually feels a little like Disney World and the people walking by, seemed more like tourists than fans. I had been surprised when the Mets were in Philly a few weeks ago, at how many Mets fans were at the games. Well there were even more at the game tonight- my favorite was the dude in the vintage ‘86 Strawberry Mets’ jersey. But there were also a lot of Red Sox fans and some Yankees’ fans and the nasal-voiced dingbat behind me grew up as an A’s fan.

Plenty of Nats’ fans, though. They were mostly all wearing Zimmerman shirts. A pudgy little dude in high-water jeans outside looked pretty stoked in his Lastings Milledge shirt and I couldn’t help but notice a good amount of ladies of all shapes and sizes sporting Nick Johnson shirts.

But then, what was a Phils’ fan supposed to at Nationals Park? There were no Phillies’ shirts to be seen and because Victor had hooked me up with the tickets and because they were players’ tickets, I couldn’t bring myself to wear my Phils’ hat. I thought about when I was looking around for an ATM to pay for parking. But after 20 minutes of looking for an ATM, the only one outside is at the Center Fileld gate - Poor Ryno was parked a few blocks behind homeplate - I said no, couldn’t wear the hat. I would not be that guy. I was already going to be the guy sitting by himself, I would not be the guy sitting by himself in the Phillies’ hat.

I didn’t have the energy.

So Ryno the Phillies fan left after the fifth inning, the Mets leading 3-2. An inning later Cruz of the Nats would hit a Grand Slam. Them’s the breaks for a Phillies fan, no free rides in America. Especially not on weekdays.

Pulling into the HoJo parking lot, I swung the 350 a little too wide- taking out a couple of the stones in the parking lot. These trucks don’t have the best turning radius, I told the security guard who came out to inspect, to see what this crazy bastard from Utah was up too. Apparently the damage was enough to involve paperwork, this frustrated me. It frustrated me more than when I got to the game, and all the lines for food were way too long. It frustrated more than when GPS told me to make all these quick turns and I was like, dude, the turning radius’ on these trucks are not the best! And it frustrated me more than I am right now, watching the DaVinci Code in a dirty HoJo outside of DC.

The dream lives on, the Flyers lost, and I’m glad Citizens Bank Park doesn’t feel like air conditioning. Now get me out of this District before I do any more damage to shotty hotel parking lots!

No, it has nothing to do with the Primary.

It has to do with the Fightin’ Phils and JRoooll headed to the Disabled List after already missing the past several games with a bum ankle. It is hard to say what is more heart-breaking- JRoooll being out longer or Eric Bruntlett sticking around longer? Tough call.

The Mets look to polish off a tasty three game sweep of the only occasionally Fightin’ Phils tonight at 8pm. The Not-So-Fightin’ Phils have looked worse over these past two games than even Team GFY did in the second game of their doubleheader today. Sloppy play and an incredible absence of any thing that even resembled hitting. GFY’s first game, their first win of the season, was a tense, up and down battle of emotions, wits, brains, and shows of brute force. Big White Inc. made a strong case for game MVP, displaying Pedro Feliz-like fielding abilities at third and some vintage Ryan Howard big bobbin’ bombs at the plate…

…and speaking of Ryan Howard, formerly of the Big Ry Money Grab and now currently of I left my wallet and bat in El Segundo, he is going to potentially demolish the record he set last year for most strikeouts by the All Star break, a break he probably won’t have because of the Subway commercials and the weekly long-bomb into the left field bleachers. My question is this Senator Clinton and Senator Obama- when is it okay to boo Howard in public? Because I’m just not sure. I was at the game on Friday, where Howard again displayed his unmatched ability to strike out in every possible way, and after one such strike out, I started booing. And while I was joined by a few other boo birds, there was a general feeling that I was doing something wrong. Like I was in Bush America and I said something wrong about freedom. But maybe I was talking about Freedom- the awesome Rage Against the Machine? Never-mind.

I feel very strongly that the time has come to boo Howard. And not vehemently, not automatically. I don’t think he deserves that. I just feel the time has come for us to really boo the man after he strikes out or makes a lazy, boneheaded play at first. I appreciate fully everything that Big Ry has done for the team. Thank you. But dude, that was totally like a few years ago and professional sports in this Bush America are a complete what-have-you-done-for-me-lately enterprise. And all Howard has done is make me stand up for no good reason, get my hopes up for no good reason, and make me watch Subway commercials for no good reason.

So let’s do it to it.

Giddy up!

No friends, the big news is the arrival of Stephen Colbert to Philly. Colbert’s show, The Colbert Report, will be broadcasting from good ol’ UPenn all this week. Last night’s guests included Mayor Nutter, Hardballer Chris Matthews, and a fat Ben Franklin manning the Election Center. Tonight, the Roots will be on, as well as Michelle Obama.

It’s no secret that Pennsylvania - at least for the next few days - is a crucial battleground for the Democratic Presidential Nomination and of course, the candidates, HillDogg and Obama are carefully watching the words and gearing their tired rhetoric to the good people of this equally good commonwealth. There is a rumor that HillDogg herself will be a guest of Colbert’s this week, unless imaginary sniper fire keeps her from attending. No word on Barack, because he’s obviously sipping Mai Tai’s at some exclusive country club, flipping through The Wall St Journal and watching cricket…you know, things those elitists dudes do.

Out in the suburbs Sunday, headed to GFY’s game, I kept one on the road and one eye out for said candidates, excepting them to be out there, picking up trash on the highway or browsing through a yard sale. But nope. Didn’t see anything except a kick ass, slow-pitch, softball performance by Team GFY. The Rocket looked strong, Knifefight and Screamin’ Pervez were no shows, and while the left side of the infield (manned by GFY’s own Ozzie and Jose) looked shaky due to an abandonment of the team’s staunch 48 minute rule, contributions were made by the entire team…including Mets Fan Matt, on loan from the great state of Minnesota.

It was a doubleheader! Completely unexpected…GFY lost both games, but not their hearts, their souls, and their lunches. I mean, one team had a Flying Bison on it and one team had a dude that looked like Squints from The Sandlot.Next week, GFY’s small ball approach to the game will be tested against…someone. It seems as if no one actually knows the schedule. But it’s on Sunday…

…and Sunday is only a few days after Wednesday, when forecasters are predicting the start of a nice string of good springtime weather. The Astros are in town for a few days, the Sixers are fighting for a playoff berth that will look kind of respectable after they ultimately get swept, and the Flyers are fighting the legitimate future of hockey.

Good times, good times.

Happy Tuesday…now let’s play two!

I just had the rush, baby! The sweet and beautiful rush of summer. And as I just wrote that sentence, a whiff of a grille going, floated through my window…but it could just be Stoney’s running shoes. But regardless, it just happened and I feel incredible right now, just a hair south of absolutely amazing. Last night’s Phils’ game is what possibly got it started. It’s too early to tell.

It had all the makings of a killer summer night. There was the humidity, the dead lifeless air hanging over the city, and on the deck, enjoying a Gin & Tonic, I watched as heavy-lookin’ clouds started surrounding Philly. On the other side of Center City, the Phillies/Cubs game got underway and boom…two quick homers by the Cubbies and the rain clouds coming closer and closer…hold ‘em tight, smoke ‘em down, knock those crazy good times down because two storms…oh and the Flyers’ game…it’s all coming down now. It’s all happening, Corporate Grande says.

Ludino’s text only said go flyers and I switched over to the game - a tied game, 4-4, against the Washington Capitals. But no, the Phils’ game was just too good to pass up. Even episodes of Arrested Development would have to wait until later…so G.O.B.. Brett Myers was unbelievable. Literally. Around the end of the top of the 7th, I just didn’t believe what I was seeing. There was no fifth inning breakdown or any breakdown for that matter. Break-dancin’? No doubt they should have been up in those high, sweaty bleachers - a good, clear view of the soggy madness creeping up the Interstate.

Pat Burrell hit a dart of a homer and I decided that I will cheer for Geoff Jenkins. He’s gritty, old school. Sure, The Force That is Chaseis gritty as well. And so is Jables Cash and Eddy’s Ice Cream of Team GFY. But Chase is also an amazing ball player and Cash and Ice Cream play slow-pitch softball out in the ‘burbs. But Jenkins’ toughness is endearing. And his helmet is always crooked when he’s up and I think that makes him look pretty cool. ARod would never do that. JRoooll wouldn’t even do that and that dude does everything right!

And maybe two minutes after new closer Brad Lidge closed out the game for the Fightin’ Phils, the rain came down. It came down with the kind of ferocity that would make you think that Mother Nature might be a Cubbies fan and like Cubs’ pitcher Carlos Zambrano, might have quite the firey temper.

We don’t need her anyways!

We’ve got Eric “Give me a few games to settle down” Bruntlett, and Barack and Hill Dogg roaming the streets of this commonwealth. So take that, Mother Nature!

But will the weather hold up tomorrow? Will Team GFY be able to play and possibly score four or even five runs? Or will the rains make us all stay inside and watch the Master’s so we all have something to talk to my Gram about tomorrow night when we call her to talk about Tiger Woods?

Only time will tell. But regardless, the rush of summertime is runnin’ through my veins…cruisin’ on through like one of E Rocket’s slow-pitch, perfectly arched, kinda-fastball.

Good times!

“And there is still no word on Jimmy Rollins and his injury,” the announcer said.

I nearly drove off the road, but instead didn’t…no I drove safely. And after parking The Blazer, I texted Big while walking up to Honey’s for French Toast….JRoll is injured!!! Check the web, need info now!!!…and the French Toast was like always, delicious.

And JRoooll, well he’s fine. It was just a pesky sprained ankle, and luckily, served as nothing more than a footnote in the Phillies’ come from behind win over the Mets today, the last home opener for Shea Stadium. After the game, there was no limping or hobbling or lolli-gagging.

So it seems like things are okay.

The Fightin’ Phils split the series with the Reds, and at times, showed some signs of life - some signs of a winning baseball club, signs similar to the signs Team GFY showed in their heart-breaking loss to Blacked Out Sunday, on a rumpled and crumpled, damp spring day out by what I think was Conshohocken - outside the city is the greatest mystery I have ever faced, I never know where I am. But this week, there was at least some offense and GFY scraped up 3 runs, which meant that when Blacked Out reached 13 in again, the 5th inning, the game was over.

“Some day that team will actually finish a game,” a small boy said later, at the bar nearby, where other weekend warriors gathered for cheap domestics and 25 cent wings.

Some day.

But on Wednesday, the Phillies play the Mets again and we might actually see some sun here in sunny Philadelphia. Those heavy clouds looming over the city have long over-stayed their welcome and come on now…baseball! softball! protests of the Olympics…

 All the signs are there, baby!

Bring on summer!

- Kudos to everyone who participated in the Philly Clean Up last week. Double kudos to those who did so while wearing an orange safety vest…safety first!

But it did.

Team GFY actually managed more hits on Sunday than the Phillies did last night in a chilly game versus Those Bastards from the South. The Fightin’ Phils managed just one hit last night in a 1-0 loss to the Nats. The Mighty Cole Hamels pitched an almost-gem, the only hiccup being a gimme-a-break homer by Nats’ stud Ryan Zimmerman.

The only plus side to last night’s game?

It lasted just a shade over two hours, which honestly, was an hour and a half too long. Luckily America’s Next Top Model came on right after and that (like it usually does) makes everything all right by me.

Quick note for AM radio-listening sports fans, 950am is now officially part of ESPN radio. They’ve switched around some people- moving Jody Mac to the morning and now having the Mike Tirico show on in the early afternoons. But hey, if you’re not a fan of change, don’t worry. Howard Eskin is still on 610am every weekday afternoon.

hmmm….negativity!

Phils’ play the Nats again today, Business Person special (which is why Big White Inc. is going) and it’s also the debut of the Phils’ new alternate home jerseys. Team  GFY also has practice today at the NovaCare Complex if anyone wants to come by and watch true softball brilliance. You’ll even have the chance to buy your own GFY t-shirts with your favorite player on the back: Nailz! Big White Inc.! Knife Fight! Burns! Eddy’s Ice Cream and more! Supply is limited so act now!

And don’t forget the Sixers. They might even make the playoffs!

Yeah dude, but the Eagles still need a wide reciever…nothing’s perfect.

Hey, up until the 6th or 7th, things seemed to business as usual for the Fightin’ Phils down South Broad Street. A Brett Myers implosion wasn’t all that surprising and unfortunately, neither was the 4 runs Tom Gordon gave up at the end of the game.

But hey, you a little bummed about it? Are you bummed that Eagles still don’t have a wide reciever or that because Bill Richardson isn’t in the Democratic race anymore, he won’t be anywhere near Pennsylvania? Are you bummed that even though it’s almost 70, the sun’s not out or because Philly Mayor Michael Nutter hopped off the mound yesterday after the ceremonial first pitch like a giddy school girl?

Well if so, don’t worry.

Rustic Overtones, performing at World Cafe tonight, are the perfect cure. A dynamic, 7 piece, rock/funk band from Maine, recently signed to Velour Recordings (Soulive, Kaki King,) Rustic will be tearing up the upstairs stage at World Cafe. The show starts at 7:30pm and tickets are $15.

I know it’s Tuesday and I know it will be Tuesday night. But hey, Tuesdays are for livin’ BABY!

www.myspace.com/rusticovertones
www.worldcafelive.com

That is all you need to know.

Have a good day.

And he is very happy.

Let’s just hope that the Fightin’ Phils don’t start of the season like they did last year, or worse…like how Team GFY started their season yesterday under a crisp spring sun out in the burbs.

Who was thatteam? Some Ale House from out near White Marsh and they completely whipped the floor with Team GFY, a bunch of young, eager beavers looking to make their mark in whatever league it was that they happened to be playing in. No Scream’ Jay, he was out of town. And Eddy’s Ice Cream was not around either. The team looked mildly optimistic despite the setbacks…but then the G D game started and it really kind of went down hill from there. The monsters on the Ale House team sent beleaguered softball after softball out deep into the outfield and their ladies - all properly equipped with visors and hats - made GFY’s male players look like they had picked a fight with a polar bear instead of a lifeless manatee.

No good!

Rocket E did her best to quel the offensive firepower and if there were any glimmers of hope for GFY, the team’s defense did as well as a team that loses 19-0 can do. Jables at short stop and El Grande Blanco at the hot corner challenged Jose and Ozzie Canseco as the best brother duo to command a diamond and out in left, DRob - not yet happy about the Nats’ win - displayed mostly text book form…mostly. A few hot dogging plays and it seemed to get the best of him, but hey, this team is working out the kinks, baby! Kinks! By next week, only a few kinks and the week after that…maybe only one or two!

But you know as far as offense goes, as potent as the Fightin’ Phils offense is, GFY’s was as sterile as a newborn. But yes, there was the one time when Katie made it to third, a cause for great celebration - and other notable efforts were made by Nailz, Knife Fight…and Gerard. But hey, at least G has the hip hop thing to fall back on.

A little after 2, the game came to an end when the Slaughter rule was tossed. No worries. I think the hour was almost up anyway and all of the crazy Gladiators had better places to be…like neighboring bars with neighboring deals on wings and pitchers of beer.

Now a rainy, dreary Monday but who cares because it’s Opening Day! Only a half hour to make it home.

Run, baby, run…

Here’s to the Phils’ in ‘08!