Introducing…Ask Dr. Don Juan (me)
This is part of a new Metblogs feature where I — Dr. Don Juan — will give you my first-thought response to your love quandries. Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment at the bottom with your question. Leave me a question, and I promise I will get to it in a future column.
Brady, aka “Doctor Don Juan”
I’m having a tough time figuring out Lara, since her red flags aren’t clear. My gut tells me to forget her. I met her on catholicsingles.com. She contacted me first and is five years older (33 to my 28). After several humorous exchanges she asked me if I’m as funny in person and gave me her number. I called her and we set a date.
She arrived 15 minutes early and we had a couple of drinks. She never touched me once. We laughed a lot and she seemed to be having a good time. After two hours I let her know that I had to leave since I had an early workday coming up. Not knowing her Interest Level, I walked her to her car and gave her a very brief kiss. She smiled and said goodbye.
The next day I got an e-mail thanking me for a great time. I waited four days and called her for another weeknight date. She accepted. We bowled and then went out to eat. I paid for the bowling part, but she picked up the tab at the restaurant. But still no touching. I kissed her more passionately at the end of the night. She said it was nice kissing me and I left. I got another e-mail the next day.
Now here’s the confusing part. We went out the other night again, over a week after date number two. We went ice-skating, but still no touching. She suggested drinks afterwards. We went, and she ordered food. I picked up the tab since she didn’t offer. She then wanted to go to a microbrewery. I also picked up the tab there. I kissed her at the end again. No e-mail this time.
My question is this. Is Lara a serial dater? Was her one offer to pick up
the tab a smokescreen? I’m a medical resident and she has an MBA and has been working for 10-plus years, so obviously we’re in different income brackets. I find it rude that on our last date she wouldn’t at least offer to pay (red flag!), considering the bill was around $70. Also, the lack of touching bothers me.
What should I do, Doc? She does kiss and seem to enjoy it, but then
again Anna Nicole Smith married an 87-year-old guy. Although she has
talked about the future and invited herself over to help me paint my condo, her other behavior strikes me as odd. Maybe this is why she’s still single at age 33.
Kevin – who’s straining to see the forest through the trees
Thanks for being my first victim.
If you want to touch her then you are going to have to make the first move, dude. But you should only make the move if she has some interest. It’s a real catch-22, right? Wrong. If the chick likes you even remotely you will get some sort of kino (touch) from her going on. Trust me.
And I wouldn’t say that her paying early on was a smokescreen so much as a feeling out process. Maybe she was trying to see if you were cheap or if she could get away with having you pick up the tab regularly. Or maybe — just maybe — you said or did something at that restaurant that lost her to the point where she just wanted to pay her way and get the hell out. Remember dude, her paying keeps the pressure off of going further into a possible relationship.
But she keeps e-mailing you, right? Why the e-mails after the first two dates, right? And why not after the third? Think about it, Kev-o. You ever NEED to get a hold of somebody you don’t want to? You don’t want to be rude, but you really don’t want to talk to them face-to-face. What do you do? E-mail. Ba-am. There’s your answer.
E-mail is the pock of the modern day Don Juan. Use it sparingly. Silence for a few days followed by a phone call is the way to go. Try it the next time somebody e-mails you a courtesy thank you. She’ll respect you for having the confidence to go two days without checking your inbox.